Saturday, March 17, 2018

Roosevelt: superhero

If there ever was a real life, flesh-and-blood superhero, this has to have been Theodore Roosevelt. Here's why think so:

  • Turned himself from a weakling to a muscular powerhouse
  • Beat asthma
  • Saved a tramp from the streets in Ireland
  • Served as acting Sherriff
  • Captured "Redhead" Finnegan
  • Sired a sizable brood
  • While serving under the Harrison administration he opposed the postmaster general and his creatures on public service reform
  • Cleaned the New York city's police, made night rounds in person, and enforced dry Sundays
  • Sundered the police connections with the underground
  • Was fearless when opposing machine politicians
  • Made ready the navy as acting navy chief for war
  • Was the first to officially propose the use of "flying machines" in naval operations
  • Commanded, in effect, one of the toughest, if not the toughest, regiments: the Roughriders
  • Survived the jungles of Cuba
  • Dodged bullets while leading the charge in San Juan Hill
  • Thought about swimming with sharks
  • Could, and actually did, knife a live puma
  • By the time he had reached the presidency, he had already read 20,000 books
  • His collected works meanwhile covered tens of volumes
  • Faced JP Morgan and his radioactive nose and lived to tell the tale
  • Could address a quarter of a million in one day without the aid of electronic equipment
  • Could shake 52 hands a minute for three hours straight
  • Survived a trolley smashing into his carriage with him inside with just minor injuries
  • Asked not to be anesthetized for a tumor surgery on his shin
  • Gave birth to the Teddy bear… well, of sorts
  • Brokered peace between Russia and Japan
  • He had his own call signal: glasses and teeth
  • Could wolf down, in quantity, almost anything
  • Went for a year-long African Safari
  • Most amazing of all, survived being shot point blank, by stopping the bullet with his ribs. He went on to deliver a speech for over 45 minutes, bleeding, before allowing to be taken to a hospital
  • Barely survived the exploration of the River of Doubt in the Amazon jungle.
  • While there, swam in piranha waters. The rest of the neighborhood fauna didn't stop him from reading at night
  • Was also a renowned naturalist


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